Privacy Policy

Because Apparently We Need One of These Now

FixIt Bros Maintenance - We Fix Everything Except Your Expectations

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🕵️ What We Collect (Spoiler: Not Your Dignity)

Look, we collect the usual suspects: your name, email, phone number, and the embarrassing details about how you managed to break a "unbreakable" fixture. We also track how many times you've called us at 3 AM because your toilet is "making weird noises."

We promise we're not selling your data to Big Plumbing. They already know about your questionable DIY attempts from the insurance claims.

🍪 Cookies (Not the Edible Kind)

We use cookies to remember your preferences, like how you prefer your bad news delivered (gently or ripped off like a band-aid). These digital cookies won't make you fat, but they might make our website slightly less annoying to use.
📧 How We Use Your Information ▼

We use your information to:

  • Send you invoices (sorry, not sorry)
  • Schedule appointments you'll probably reschedule 3 times
  • Remind you that duct tape is NOT a permanent solution
  • Occasionally judge your life choices (internally)
  • Send you our monthly newsletter: "Things You Shouldn't Have Googled"
🔐 Data Security (It's Better Than Your Password) ▼

Your data is protected by military-grade encryption, which is more than we can say for your WiFi password "password123". We store everything on secure servers that are definitely more reliable than your home's electrical system.

Fun fact: Our data center has fewer outages than your neighborhood power grid!

📤 Who We Share Your Data With ▼

We share your information with:

  • Our insurance company (they need to know what they're getting into)
  • The local hardware store (they deserve a heads up)
  • Our therapist (maintaining your property affects our mental health)
  • Nobody else, because honestly, who else would want it?

Data Deletion Requests

Want us to delete your data? Sure! Just remember that we'll also delete your warranty information, service history, and that time we saved you from flooding your basement. But hey, privacy first, right?

⚖️ Your Rights (Yes, You Have Some)

You have the right to:
• Access your data (it's mostly complaints, let's be honest)
• Correct inaccurate information (like claiming you're "handy")
• Delete your data (see dramatic warning above)
• Complain to authorities (they'll probably redirect you to us)
• Remain silent when we ask who did the "repairs"

🚨 Privacy Emergency Hotline 🚨

If your data has been compromised, leaked, or is just having an existential crisis, call our Privacy Emergency Hotline:

1-800-OH-NO-NO

Available 24/7, unlike your internet connection

📝 Policy Updates

We update this policy whenever lawyers tell us to, or when we accidentally break something new. We'll notify you via email, carrier pigeon, or interpretive dance - whichever seems most appropriate at the time.

Last Updated: When we remembered this page existed

Still Have Questions?

Contact our Privacy Officer (Bob from Accounting) at:

privacy@fixitbros.com

Response time: Faster than your last contractor